In the original piece, the author had most of the information, but the structure did not allow the reader to learn the most important updates of the building unless getting through a majority of the story. As seen in the edited version, I changed the structure to lead with the information readers would care the most about. I also suggested the author include information comparing the new building to other buildings on campus, such as price and square footage. There were also AP Style and grammar issues throughout.
In this piece, the author was not used to our writing style, so a majority of my editing was changing it to be consistent with our writing while maintaining her style. There were also AP Style and grammar mistakes throughout.